It is commonly believed that friendships rely on shared interests or compatible personality traits to remain strong. For children and adolescents, this might ring true: just think how often friends are found on the soccer pitch after school or among those of similar cultural backgrounds in one’s graduating class. That being said, in recent years researchers have identified a link between executive function (EF) skills and social skills. In short, EF skills help children and teens sustain meaningful friendships.
Executive function refers to the skills required to complete daily tasks, from short-term chores to more complex projects. In other words, EF skills are tools for “adulting.” In the realm of social development, relevant EF skills include:
- Planning & Prioritizing
- Emotional Control
- Metacognition
Teens who find themselves regularly double-booking their schedules, losing their temper quickly, or displaying a lack of self-awareness may struggle in certain EF areas more than others, making it difficult to develop and sustain friendships. Importantly, these skills are not innate but can be cultivated in your student with the goal of building meaningful connections with their peers.
Planning & Prioritizing
As students progress through middle and high school, they will inevitably accumulate more responsibilities inside and outside the classroom: homework and exams, athletic training and competitions, and extracurricular activities and events. Understandably, students may find it challenging to balance these responsibilities with additional social commitments. Numerous EF skills—like Planning & Prioritization, Time Management, Organization, and Working Memory—can aid in managing competing obligations, especially at an age where perceived reliability and mutual trust are so vital to deepening friendships.
Emotional Control
With the onset of puberty around age 10, children begin to experience sudden and intense mood swings for the first time. When left unresolved, such feelings can negatively impact a child’s academic performance as well as impede their ability to sustain friendships.
Developing emotional regulation can assist in a variety of circumstances in which a child or teen may be forced to handle conflict, especially in the presence of others. Of course, such circumstances are often opportunities to learn valuable life lessons. For example, losing a volleyball game might encourage a student-athlete to hone in on their weaknesses on the court and develop a stronger sense of camaraderie within their team. Alternatively, due to an inability to self-regulate one’s emotions, the same student-athlete might lash out in anger toward their teammates and refuse to accept proportional responsibility for the loss. If your student struggles to regulate their emotions, it can be difficult for them to navigate interpersonal conflict with others, which is an essential skill for strengthening and maintaining close friendships.
Metacognition
In the world of EF, metacognition refers to the self-awareness of one’s own thought processes for the sake of problem-solving or task completion. As it pertains to social relations, however, metacognition can encompass a variety of useful skills, such as the ability to evaluate one’s own mental state while simultaneously monitoring that of others and, when needed, the ability to assess how one affects the other and vice versa. In doing so, metacognition can encourage compromise, empathy, and cooperation among peers.
Executive function is at the core of everything we do at The Enrichery. It allow us to support our students through the next stages of their academic and personal lives. Students of all ages and grade levels are encouraged to seek the support they require to ease their transition to adulthood. If you believe your student could use additional support developing their executive functioning skills, contact us today.
