At first brush, perfectionism appears to be a desirable trait for students—being meticulous and striving to do your best are essential qualities for success in school, right? In some cases, that is true if a student is a positive perfectionist, meaning they are motivated by achievement, improvement, and high standards they set for themselves.
However, many students have perfectionist traits that are referred to by psychologists as “negative” or “maladaptive.” Unlike positive perfectionists, these students are motivated primarily by a fear of failure because their sense of self-worth is directly tied to being without fault in school. This negative perfectionism often leads to unrealistically high expectations and damaging self-judgement when a student fails to meet those standards.
More concerning, negative perfectionism appears to be on the rise among young people possibly because of social media comparison and an increasingly competitive educational landscape.
This negative perfectionism typically damages students’ executive functioning. Students might struggle to start a project, turn one in that isn’t “perfect,” or avoid new challenges all together out of a fear of making a mistake. Simply put: When a student’s high standards become unrealistic and inflexible, it can interfere with learning, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. The good news is there are many ways to support your child if negative perfectionism is impacting their performance in school and executive functioning.
Causes of Perfectionism in Students
Researchers agree there is no single cause of perfectionism, but instead it develops through a mix of internal pressures and external influences.
1. Internal Pressure to Avoid Failure
Students may believe that making mistakes means they’re not “good enough,” which drives them to strive for error-free results to avoid failure or the harsh judgment that could follow a mistake.
2. Environmental and Parenting Influences
Much of a student’s relationship to perfectionism is the product of parenting and school culture. When children grow up seeing love or approval being tied to achievement, they can internalize the idea that only perfect results are worthy of praise, that success leads to acceptance. Increasingly competitive college admissions, high teacher expectations, and greater social comparison are all possible reasons why perfectionists traits are increasing in students.
3. Emotional and Personality Factors
Some students are naturally detail-oriented or thrive on achievement. While these traits are often strengths, they can tip into negative perfectionism when they become rigid or tied to self-worth. It’s important to note that significant mental health disorders like depression, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and other psychological factors can cause (or be the result of) negative perfectionism.
Perfectionism’s Impact on Executive Functioning
Perfectionism doesn’t just impact a student’s actions. It fundamentally affects how their brain perceives tasks, especially in important, high-stakes areas like succeeding at school. Executive functioning skills—the cognitive skills that help students plan, organize, start new tasks, regulate emotions, and stay focused—are often disrupted by negative perfectionism, making it more challenging for a student to do their best in school.
1. Difficulty Initiating Tasks
Task initiation is typically one of the executive functions that’s most immediately and repeatedly impacted by negative perfectionism, which is a logical response to the fear students are feeling. If a student feels that their work must be impeccable, they may simply avoid beginning a task to avoid the possibility that it won’t meet their or others’ standards. This procrastination hurts productivity of course, but it also causes additional stress because a perfectionist student will likely no longer have the time needed to complete a task that meets their internal standards.
2. Prioritization Challenges
When a student is overwhelmed with perfectionist self-talk, they often fixate on each individual step, treating every aspect of a larger project as being equally important. Like delayed task initiation, a perfectionist student will often leave themselves with too little time to complete the more important and time-consuming parts of a project, which leads to last-minute rushes that hurt their academic performance and self-perception.
3. Emotional Regulation and Self-Criticism
Because perfectionism is typically the product of fear, mistakes of any size will likely trigger anxiety, self-criticism, and shame. These difficult emotions, like perfectionism itself, are not inherently bad, but ruminating in them and being unable to recover often makes it difficult or impossible for students to bounce back from their mistakes and setbacks.
How Parents Can Support Their Children
If you are a parent, this likely sounds scary, but the good thing is parents are in an ideal position to help their student have a more productive relationship with perfectionism, shifting away from negative perfectionism to a more positive form of perfectionism. The way parents respond to their student’s mistakes, challenges, and progress can make a huge difference in how students talk to themselves.
1. Emphasize Progress over Perfection
They say, “Perfect is the enemy of good,” and that sentiment is particularly important for perfectionists students to internalize. It isn’t possible to do every task absolutely perfectly without burning yourself out. Getting lower-importance tasks out of the way frees students up to focus on major projects that do matter. Whenever possible, it’s helpful to remind a student to value progress and completing things over perfection.
2. Help Them Break Up Tasks into Manageable Steps
Especially as a student begins to develop a healthier relationship with perfectionism, it can be helpful to demonstrate how they might break their larger assignments up into clear, actional, and achievable steps. Better still, show them how to identify which of these steps are of higher and lower priority and value, so they can make an action plan accordingly.
3. Model Healthy Expectations and Self-Compassion
As parents already know, children mirror what they see. If they see their parents responding to a mistake or set back with self-compassion and resilience instead of frustration, they’re more likely to adopt that mindset for themselves. So, talk openly about your mistakes and speak compassionately about yourself when you discuss your challenges. Frame mistakes as a learning opportunity instead of something to fear. When a parent does that, it helps reinforce that imperfection is normal and growth, not flawlessness, is the real goal of school.
Final Thoughts
Negative perfectionism can take a significant toll on a student’s executive functioning. Perfectionism born out of rigidity and fear can slow learning, increase stress, and make daily tasks harder for students. But with supportive guidance, realistic expectations, and a focus on progress, parents can help their children build resilience, confidence, and strong executive functioning skills that last a lifetime.
If you believe your student might be struggling with perfectionism, or if you believe they would benefit from executive functioning coaching, schedule a time to speak with The Enrichery!
